Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.

~Jim Rohn

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

~Gandhi

Every student can learn, just not on the same day, or the same way.

~George Evans

I love this:

Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.

read my signature best quote in the world lol

Live for nothing, die for something.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.

Give a jackass an education and you will get a smartass.

Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have

My simple, yet live-by quote is:

"What is to be, will be"

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

wonderful^^^

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.

Most people fail in life because they major in minor things.

Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

People living deeply have no fear of death.

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

Power doesn't corrupt people. People corrupt power.

---

And some insulting quotes...

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain

Action may not always bring happiness but there is no happiness without action.

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten

dont make fun of boffs, as you may end up working for one

bill gates.

"Never send a man to do a woman's job"

LOL! Okay, I do say that a lot but I am just joking, of course it's not true or I wouldn't be here looking for computer help, as I assume most of you are males...

Well, I REALLY liked the following quote, being that I am an RN and a good many of the people I know/knew are sick/dying/dead, if you ever have to go to a funeral home and you want to do something heartwarming for the family, give them a candle and tell them to light it whenever the deceased would have been present... and I like to write this on sympathy cards:

"Death is nothing more than moving from one room to another... but in that other room, I will be able to see" Helen Keller

And another favorite, "Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth. Tame the dragon and the gift is yours."

Oh, and okay, I HAVE to add this one, I put this in the yearbook with my older son's senior picture: "The decision to have a child is the decision to spend the rest of your life with your heart walking around outside your body." I think the wording may be off a little on that one... but you can figure it out...

Rose

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

The future will be better tomorrow.

The best things in life aren't things.

The only certain thing in life is death.

The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.

I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

Speeding doesn't kill you. Instant stopping does.

There is two things you should never run after... a woman and a bus, there is always another one coming

Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win!

Imagination is more important than knowledge - Albert Einstein

Fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity

Expensive things are not cheap

What's the speed of dark?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

A good friend sees the first tear, catches the second and stops the third.

A lawyer knows the law, a good lawyer knows the judge.

A helping hand is no father than at the end of your sleeve.

Ugly is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again.

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Ever stop to think and forgot to start again?

Everyone complaints about memory, but no one complaints about intelligence.

Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.

Last edited by Doctor Inferno on 6th October 2009, 8:17 am; edited 1 time in total

Ever start to think and forgot to start again?

doc, i believe you mean: Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Opps! Thanks for the correction.

woman that wins hammer throw has husband that wins sprints, hehe

I know better ones but not allowed to state them here, lol

"Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot."
-Jim Rohn

Didn't Read All 8 Other Pages, hoping this one wasn't taken.

Some Others-

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven't got the joke yet."

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy. -Jim Rohn

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. - P.D. East

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. "Quoted from Buddha

Gravity doesn't exist, the Earth sucks.

Make war, not sex. It's safer!

Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is they day they start making vacuum cleaners.

God, why did you make the evidence for you existence so insufficient?

I don't break rules, I merely test their elasticity.

Digitalocksmith wrote:

People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take
of them.

i love it

Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is

There is only one success; to be able to spend your life in your own way.

No matter how qualified you are, you wont reach a better life until you imagine it.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

2 is not equal to 3 - not even for very large values of 2.

The difference between style and fashion is quality.

The only time you mustn’t fail is the last time you try.

Success does not consist in never making mistakes, but in never making them a second time.

You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.

The less people speak of their greatness, the more we think of it.

No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway

I bet you I could stop gambling.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?

Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.

Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

I had amnesia once - maybe twice.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Whenever you feel lost and alone, always remember your calculator is something you can count on.

Half the people in the world are below average.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked?

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?

I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.

I was only looking at your nametag, honest!

Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.

Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.

"everyone else is afraid of losing, but i'm afraid of Cockroach"

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning

Half of the people in the world are below average

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed

Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals

I can resist everything except temptation

To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic

The shortest distance between two points is under construction

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory

A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering

Hermits have no peer pressure

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets

I think that this quote is highly fitting for the Volunteers on this site, because you don't have to do what you do...BUT YOU DO!



" I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do . What I can do, I should do; and what I should do, by the grace of God, I WILL do!"

Pretty darn awesome quote you got there. :smile2:

A very wise man put me on to it... :smile2: