A compilation of all the good quotes in this topic
Last edited by Doctor Inferno on 15th March 2010, 11:05 am; edited 6 times in total (Reason for editing : More quotes added)
You aren't wealthy until you posses something money can't buy.
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
Dream as if u will live forever. Live as if you will die today
Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.
Practice makes perfect, but no one is perfect, so why practice?
People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.
I don't need to "get a life". I'm a gamer, I have lots of lives!
Linux is like a teepee: no windows; no gates; Apache inside
The problem lies between keyboard and chair
perfection is a trip, not a destination.
When I saw you, I was afraid of meeting you. When I met you, I was afraid of kissing you. When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you. Now that I ove you, I'm afraid of losing you.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
I don't jump high, I fly low
Words calculated to catch everyone may catch no one.
Nobody will believe in you unless you believe in yourself.
Everything is possible, Impossible just takes a little longer.
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.
Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god.
I'm not beautiful like you. I'm beautiful like me.
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told hey are loved.
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
There Are 3 Types of People, Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't.
Whoever said that its not about winning that counts, probably lost.
Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm,she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Life is unbearable, but death is not so pleasant either.
Follow your dreams, but wake up first!
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Whether forecast for tonight: Dark.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF. All my base Are belong to you.
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
"When your life is in darkness, pray to GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if you are still in Darkness - Please pay the electricity bill."
Computers are incredibly fast, accurate, and stupid; humans are incredibly slow, inaccurate and brilliant; together they are powerful beyond imagination.
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
Of all the things i have lost, i miss my mind the most
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
It doesnt matter you won first place , its how you beat the guy in second place.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
My ambition is to live forever - so far, so good!
Roses are red Violets are blue, Use Google It's better than Yahoo!
There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.
I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.
A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
My Software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
We live in a funny nation, where Pizza reaches home faster than the Ambulance or police.
Education has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.
He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back
I speak two languages, Body and English.
If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?
Don't open the darkroom door, it lets all the dark out.
Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
mistakes are the risk we didn't take.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
Life is a terminal disease.
Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Cheap guitar for sale....... No strings attached.
Are you wearing lipstick? Mind if I taste it?
Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder.
Better late than really late.
Be safety concious, 80% of people are caused by accidents
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Don't argue with a fool, the spectators can't really tell the difference.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened
I wish I were a derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
Let me integrate our curves so that I can increase our volume.
If I were a function you would be my asymptote - I always tend towards you.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune.
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Every student can learn, just not on the same day, or the same way.
Live for nothing, die for something.
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Give a jackass an education and you will get a smartass.
Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Most people fail in life because they major in minor things.
Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.
People living deeply have no fear of death.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Power doesn't corrupt people. People corrupt power.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain
Action may not always bring happiness but there is no happiness without action.
The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
The future will be better tomorrow.
The best things in life aren't things.
The only certain thing in life is death.
The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
Always forgive your enemies -- nothing annoys them so much.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.
I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
Speeding doesn't kill you. Instant stopping does.
There is two things you should never run after... a woman and a bus, there is always another one coming
Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win!
Imagination is more important than knowledge - Albert Einstein
Fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity
Expensive things are not cheap
What's the speed of dark?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
A good friend sees the first tear, catches the second and stops the third.
A lawyer knows the law, a good lawyer knows the judge.
A helping hand is no father than at the end of your sleeve.
Ugly is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Ever stop to think and forgot to start again?
Everyone complaints about memory, but no one complaints about intelligence.
Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot.
Gravity doesn't exist, the Earth sucks.
Make war, not sex. It's safer!
Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?
The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is they day they start making vacuum cleaners.
God, why did you make the evidence for you existence so insufficient?
I don't break rules, I merely test their elasticity.
Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is
There is only one success; to be able to spend your life in your own way.
No matter how qualified you are, you wont reach a better life until you imagine it.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
2 is not equal to 3 - not even for very large values of 2.
The difference between style and fashion is quality.
The only time you mustn’t fail is the last time you try.
Success does not consist in never making mistakes, but in never making them a second time.
You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.
The less people speak of their greatness, the more we think of it.
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway
I bet you I could stop gambling.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.
Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.
I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Whenever you feel lost and alone, always remember your calculator is something you can count on.
Half the people in the world are below average.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked?
Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
Forgive and forget, but keep a list of names just in case.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Be nice to your kids: they'll choose your nursing home.
I was only looking at your nametag, honest!
Two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do.
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.
Hard work pays off in the future, but laziness pays off now.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning
Half of the people in the world are below average
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed
Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals
I can resist everything except temptation
To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
The shortest distance between two points is under construction
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
Hermits have no peer pressure
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets
Last edited by Doctor Inferno on 15th March 2010, 11:05 am; edited 6 times in total (Reason for editing : More quotes added)
